Being Good Enough – THE SOCIAL MEDIA, SELF-ESTEEM TRAP
- bey0ndM@gz!ne
- April 16, 2021
- Books-Poetry, Default
- 0 Comments
WHEN YOU LOOK IN THE MIRROR, WHAT DO YOU SAY TO YOURSELF?
If this is what you say to yourself constantly, know that you are not alone. Now, imagine that your inner critic is enforced by an external source. This becomes a form of public humiliation and it happens more often than you think.
The onset of the world of social media has resulted in a culture of online communication. The lack of face-to-face or human connections has enabled certain individuals to behave without shame or regret, spawning a virtual world of negativity.
But first, let’s look at why this happens.
CREATING ILLUSIONS
The revolution of digital communication – internet, social media, smartphones, online dating and so much more – has transformed society. It has become a daily habit to gaze at our mobile devices for long periods of time. This has a profound effect on how we develop the way we think of ourselves in context to the world around us. It threatens how we value ourselves. Social media helps portray the fantasy that life is a fairy tale, where everyone is airbrushed with joyous and sparkling smiles.
With software available at our finger tips, any image or picture can be altered and refined. Anyone can change the way they look online. Taking pictures with mobile phones has become much easier, with individuals posting millions of selfies each day to various social media sites. With every altered image, the standards are set higher and higher to what is deemed beautiful or ‘like-worthy’. Those who are sensitive to these social media feeds tend to become self-critical and start to feel shame. A single flaw is magnified out of proportion and there are many anonymous critics who demean for no reason. Social media puts a lot of pressure on the human mind and has turned self-assured individuals into self-doubters.
TECHNOLOGY HAS REWIRED OUR THINKING
No one can offer clear, quantifiable statistics on how much technological innovations are changing our very sense of self. Social media has given people the ability to create a virtual life that is far from the truth. The need for ‘likes’ to validate one’s self and one’s life as attractive and successful, can turn into an obsession. This attachment to ‘likes’ distorts the sense of self, which is trapped in insecurities and fears.
INNER CRITIC
How we view ourselves touches the very core of our existence. Self-esteem is considered the most relevant aspect to live a fulfilling life; it essentially refers to our personal view of ourselves. The way we see ourselves – good or bad – creates an impact. Nothing is more important than the judgment we pass on to ourselves.
According to recent studies, self-esteem is not a luxury but a vitally important psychological need in the era of social media.
When we are mentally confused, any activity is difficult. Life becomes harder because we have this need to constantly prove ourselves, which means persistently being at war with the self. To change such a mind-set, we first have to be friends with “ourselves” – which means accepting ourselves just the way we are – flaws and all.
Self-talk (internal dialogue) is so crucial that it can make or break an individual. We have life coaches, counsellors and mental health professionals to guide us to recondition the way we talk to ourselves. Many of them share inspiring content on social media. However, it does not register, because when we are floundering in self-criticism, we latch on to what is lacking in ourselves. It then becomes a never ending loop of the negative influence from social media, and the constant self-bashing.
IT NEVER ENDS.
Imagine living with this kind of an individual, and dealing with a constant toxic spew of negativity, the kind that crushes whatever little value you hold of yourself. It is the kind of pain we cannot put a Band-Aid on. This nasty talker living inside your head, constantly brings you down, making you feel small. From the moment we wake up until we go to sleep, we face a constant torment. This voice makes us feel unworthy and tells us that we are worthless.
WHO IS AT FAULT?
One can say that social media is not to blame; that individuals need to build confidence within themselves on their own. The fact is that many studies and academic journals have shown that online posts on networking sites have resulted in mental health issues. A Huffington Post study (XXXX) which interviewed people ranging from the age of 28 to 73 found that 60% of people using social media reported that it had impacted their selfesteem in a negative way, 50% reported that social media had negative effects on their relationships, and 80% reported that it was easier to be deceived by others through their sharing on social media.
Take for example the case of Leela Mathur (not her real name), a successful corporate professional, recognised as a confident and modern woman. The only thing she feels is a lack in is her love life. She connects with a guy on an online dating app, and they meet. Here is her story:
Leela finds Rahul attractive and she feels a sense of attraction. They chat regularly. Rahul is flirty and friendly, he is generous with his compliments but at times can be a bit demeaning, but she lets it go. She’s behaves in an eager-to-please manner, she wants this relationship to work. His flattery is at times fake, but Leela laps it up and links his comments to her sense of self-worth. His compliments are like water for a thirsty person in a desert. On their second date, Rahul
takes the relationship one step further, and invites her back to his home. This time Leela hesitates, they have known each other for less than a week. She suggests that they meet a few more times, which disappoints Rahul. His manner turns cold. Leela is torn, she wants to please him, but she holds back. After the date, she returns home feeling like she’s done something wrong. She sends him a thank-you and his response is curt. She analyses the date over and over, worrying that she messed it up. She sends him another message, but he responds without his usual heart emojis or praise, which he gave so freely before. Leela feels that his response is her fault. She feels like she should make amends. She says that she would like to meet him the next day. He says he’s busy.
Leela torments herself over this man. She spends an extensive amount of time checking his feeds on social media.
Leela is hurt to the extent that it lowers her self-esteem and she starts feeling the effects in her professional life. Leela is overwhelmed with self-doubt and
feels she is not good enough. She stops sharing ideas in meetings, starts avoiding her colleagues, starts taking feedback in a negative manner, and starts looking at peers as competitors. She also starts indulging in unnecessary arguments with her boss which starts affecting her image and ability to work within a team.
After a heartfelt chat with a life coach, Leela slowly realises that she had internalised Rahul’s cheap words and let them become a reflection of her selfworth.
With this realisation, and being mindful of her negative thinking, she soon returned to her vibrant self.
After a few weeks, Leela goes on another date. She asserts herself, her thoughts and likes freely and realises that her feelings are equally important, and her self-worth and principles should not be steered by another person.
You can see, in this example, the snowball effect that each experience, derived from the dating app, had on Leela. I encourage you to reflect on how long you spend on social media, and compare it to the amount of time you spend speaking to someone face-to-face. You’ll find that you spend most of your time on your device.
Start today, make a change and look up!
SHOBHA’S LATEST BOOK
Reboot, Reflect, Revive: Self-Esteem in a Selfie World will be published by SAGE India, releasing soon.
